“Lisa, you must understand. We are so very close to losing this place, an’ we worked so hard to get this all fixed!” The brown haired young woman that knelt at the man’s feet simply crouched further down, racking sobs filling the air. The young man, who was sitting in one of the only comfortable chairs in the room, said “Shh, now my luv, shh, you gonna wake the young’ns.” He cupped his work-stained hands under his young wife’s chin, and gazed deep into her troubled brown eyes, “Luv, you know I must go.”

“That does not mean I can’t wish with all my heart that you would stay,” Lisa replied with a catch in her voice.

“Farewell my most beloved. Give Mary an’ Johnny my love.” The man stood up, grabbed a pack from the floor and left. He looked back only when he reached the door. Then, stepping across the threshold, he quietly closed the door behind him.

* * * *

I sat up in bed, my dark curls tumbling over my flour-sack night dress and grabbed my everyday dress from a peg on the wall, and quickly slipped into it. I yawned as I pulled open the screen covering where my brother Johnny and I slept in the corner of the little log cabin. “Momma, where ya at? I’m hungry.” I frowned as I heard the sound of chopping wood. Ma was nearly always in the kitchen, bustling here an’ there, making the air smell like bacon an’ freshly toasted bread. Maybe Ma was out on an errand, but Ma never left without me in tow. I decided that I would stop thinking about it an’ go and ask Pa about it, since Pa always did the chopping. I dismissed another thought that fluttered in; Johnny was probably out in the woods somewhere catching squirrels and whatnot.

“Pa?” I called as I opened the door an’ turned the corner where we chopped wood. I stood frozen in shock; what in the blue blazes was Ma chopping the wood for!? “Ma! What are ya doing? Where’s Pa an’ Johnny?”

I started to cry. I was hungry an’ confused, an’ not at all sure what was going on. Ma, upon hearing my outburst came to my rescue and carried me back to our cabin.

I sat on the hard wooden stool that was my chair. I sipped my cold goat milk as I watched Ma make some last minute breakfast. At last I couldn’t keep silent any longer. “Ma where is Johnny an’ Pa?” Ma’s hands stopped as they were about to butter some toast. She turned slightly an’ sighed. “Your father has gone in search of gold or work out in Alaska, for we are very close to losing this place,” Ma said in sort of a rush.

I blinked, not entirely believing, “An’ what about Johnny?”

At that Ma’s face grew haggard and worried, “He has gone to work at the coal mine as an attempt ta keep us afloat till your father comes back, an’ I’m worried about ‘em as he’s not even thirteen yet.”

“But… but when is Pa gonna come back?” I asked almost pleadingly.

Ma lowered her head, “That I don’t know. Nor do I know if he’ll come back.”

I couldn’t believe it. It was just too much to comprehend. I fled with my unbrushed brown hair streaming out behind me, an’ went to my little hiding place to think things through an’ to cry. Ma watched me sadly as I ran, but didn’t follow me.

* * * * * *

The next few months went by much too quickly, yet every day Ma seemed to shrink and wither as each day Pa didn’t show. Johnny never had time to play with me no more, as he left long before I even woke up, an’ returned only when it was late at night, exhausted and dirty. As for me, I too was doing work that I normally was excluded from. Washing the dishes, helping Ma make dinner, an’ even milking our goat when Ma was too tired.

Ma seemed to get tired a lot more than usual, and her midriff seemed to be getting a tad bigger. I was confused since Ma didn’t seem to be eating any more than she usually did. Ma finally told me why. She was repairing one of Johnny’s pants when I, panting, plopped onto a chair beside Ma. Then I noticed that beside her was a little sock and a beginning of another one. I frowned as I picked one up. “Ma who’s this for? I reckon this can’t even fit over my pinkie toe!”

At that Ma smiled for the first time in days, “Aye, I don’t reckon it could, but this,” she gently took the sock out of my hand, “is for someone smaller than you.”

“Then who…” My eyes widened as I thought I had figured out the mystery. “Is Miz Ella havin a baby!?”

Ma laughed lightly and her eyes danced merrily, “Nay, though someone is havin’ a baby and you know her very well.”

I frowned even more deeply. Then I realized who Ma was talking about, “Maaa!! Am I gonna be a big sister?!”

“Indeed you are.” Ma said, smiling.

I went about in a haze of happiness for days afterwards, until, quite suddenly, it was shattered. I was walking around the corner of our house, carrying a bucket of milk from our old goat, Sally, when I heard raised voices coming from the front porch.

“Your man ain’t coming back, so’s you better find a man an’ I’m da best ya got.”

I had heard this voice before, and I had been told, severely, never to get near the man that belonged to it.

Then I heard my Ma’s voice. And boy was she mad. I could tell cause she slipped into a rough sort of tongue. “Ya mean to tell me that ya are the best suited man ‘ere! I’d rather marry a bug eyed bronco than marry ya! You enseamed beggar!”

I decided to peek around the corner and see what was happening. My eyes widened as I saw Ma throw a heavy brass frying pan at Smelly Joe.

“An’ get outta before I start ta throw sharper things at ya!”

Smelly Joe ran, though not without throwing some hateful curses over his shoulder.

“Ma?” I asked quaveringly.

Ma turned around right quick and hurriedly picked me up. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you had to see that.”

I could feel the tears begin to role down my cheeks as I asked, “What did th…that man mean when he said Pa isn’t coming back?”

“Your Pa IS coming back, no matter what that old goon said,” Ma said a tad too fiercely. She held me out so that she could look at me properly, “Your Pa is coming back no matter what other people say, ya hear?”

I nodded and answered, “I hear.”

* * * * *

For nearly the thousandth time I sat staring out of our only window. I had the perfect view of the road and therefore would be the first one to see Pa come ridding back on Ol’ Beth. I had gone an’ convinced myself that Pa would be here to see his baby being born an’ if he wasn’t back by then, well, he wasn’t gonna be comin’ back. I sighed. It was gettin’ to be evening an’ I was gonna have to make dinner as Ma was very close to birthing, an’ the midwife had said that Ma shouldn’t be made to do any hard work this close to the baby’s comin’. I thought back to nearly seven months ago, to the time where Ma an’ I were just havin a good time laughing and thinkin’ up names for the new baby. I sighed again; those times were a very long time ago. I glanced over at the curtained off area. I could visualize Ma laying looking so pale an’ tired, an’ the midwife tending to Ma.

I was about to head off to the kitchen when I heard a strained gasp from the curtained off area. Then I saw the midwife’s head peak out. Upon seeing me she shouted, “Your Ma is goin through her labor pains right now! Go an’ get my assistant an’ tell her ta go get Johnny! Go on, get!” I didn’t need to be told a second time. I dashed through the door and hightailed it to the young woman waiting outside. All she needed was to see my face to tell what was goin’ on. She slid up onto her horse and was about to go galloping, when I stopped her an’ said, “Please get back here as quick as possible. I think the midwife may need help.”

She smiled and nodded her consent. I heard a strained scream from the cabin, and I decided that it would be best for my nerves if I stayed away from the cabin for a while – at least until the baby was born. I settled down on a log that was nearby and tried my best to keep out the agonized screeching coming from the little wood cabin.

I jerked my head up in surprise as I heard galloping hooves about ten minutes later. There was the assistant, and there on the back…was Johnny! How on Earth did he get here so fast! Johnny fairly leaped off the horse and was about run into the cabin when I grabbed onto his sleeve forcing him to stop. “Johnny, wait! How’d ya get here so fast?”

“The mine gave me leave until the baby was born an’ I was already headin this way when she,” Johnny gestured at the panting women that was coming up to them, “Came galloping like the three furies were after ‘er. An’ once she saw me she told me ta get on right quick cause Ma was havin ‘er baby right now.” Johnny made to go, but I stopped him again. “Now, Mary, what are ya stopping me fer,” Johnny asked irritably.

“Well, it ain’t proper ta barge in while a woman is deliverin.”

Johnny blinked, then upon realizing his gaff, blushed. The assistant, at last, came puffing up and without a word to either of us, went bolting into the eerily quiet cabin.

Johnny paced bake and forth. I could tell he was worried, as was I, but I knew it wasn’t doin’ Ma a single bit of good. “Johnny,” I asked tentatively. He turned his tortured eyes toward me and I realized, with a start, that the round happy face of my brother had been replaced with a thin, ash streaked worried face. “Johnny, do ya think Ma is gonna be okay?” my voice trembled. I needed encouragement.

Johnny came over to me and gently hoisted me up so that I could see him more clearly. “I think Ma has had a rough time of it, but I know she’s gonna pull through it.”

“But how do you KNOW,” I asked pleadingly.

“Cause she’s Ma and Ma always pulls through.”

That was good enough for me.

We waited in silence for what seemed an hour, but in reality was only ten minutes. The door opened and the red face of the midwife poked her head out. Johnny and I stared at her, hoping for good news, but too scared to ask, for it could be bad news. The midwife stamped her foot and scolded, “Well ain’t ya goin to ask if your Ma is okay?” It was a rather rhetorical question as she continued to speak. “Ya Ma has givin birth to a strapping baby boy, and yer Ma is nothing the worse for wear.”

Johnny and I glanced at each other, relieved. I noticed as we both headed to the cabin that some of the worry had melted off of Johnny’s face, and that he had a spring in his step that had not been seen for quite some time.

I quietly came through the door and peered over to the corner where Ma was stationed. There she was propped up against a multitude of pillows, and she looked very pale. She did, however, give us a warm smile as we entered the cabin. I drew nearer, and as I did I saw a little tuft of dark brown hair peeking out of a bundle Ma was holding. I felt a thrill of fear, yes fear. Sure I had seen young babies, but I had never thought I would have one to call me own. I didn’t know how to act around one. Would this one scream and throw a fit once I got near it? Or would it coo softly and hold out it’s arms to be picked up? Both thoughts terrified me. How would one hold a baby anyhow?

Finally I came close enough to look upon the face of my new baby brother. “He’s yeller,” I said without thinking. Then I clapped my hand over my mouth in absolute embarrassment.

Mom laughed, “So were you when you were first born.”

I blinked, surprised. I looked down again at my baby brother and was again surprised to see how active his eyes seemed be. His big brown eyes stared straight into mine, and as I put my hand in front of him a tiny fist came out and latched onto my pinkie. I gave a small start of surprise. I hadn’t been expecting that! “What’s his name, Ma?” I asked.

Ma stroked the baby’s head then replied, “Let’s wait till after I gather my strength and after we have a bite to eat.

The midwife and her assistant, after making sure Ma was comfortable, went and began to make supper. When I had asked if I could help, they told me they didn’t need the help of a seven year old girl. I grumbled at that, but knew there was little I could do about it. The air soon was filled with the delicious smell of onion stew. As soon as the midwife and her assistant got our small homemade wooden table set, they shooed us out so that they could clean Ma and the baby up.

A good fifteen minutes passed till the two woman called us in for dinner, and Johnny hurried in. I, however, paused at out door and looked forlornly down the darkened trail, hoping against hope that I would see the tall figure of Pa riding up it. There was no such luck, and I silently, sadly, closed the door behind me.

* * * * * *

The midwife and her assistant had left and we had finished our dinner. We all sat near our fireplace, Ma was still in bed, quietly resting, Johnny sitting in the rocking chair, holding our new baby brother as he slept, and I was sitting on the floor despondently thinking over names for my baby brother. Mark? No, I know too many Mark’s. If Pa was here he’d know the best name. John? No, too close to Johnny. I was startled out of my thought when a loud knock rattled our door.

Johnny and Ma looked up curiously, and Ma wondered aloud, “Now who could that be?”

“Maybe the midwife forgot something,” Johnny answered as whoever was at the door knocked again.

“Coming,” Ma called, but as an aside to me said, “Mary, darling, go get the door.”

I groaned good naturedly as I stood up and walked the short distance to the door. I opened the door fully expecting to see the short and round figure of the midwife, but instead I encountered a tall, lean, and dirty figure of a man. I gasped and jerked my head up to look the man in the face. Longish dirty blond hair framed a slightly oval face. The man also sported a slight nearly brown beard and above that two kind but sad blue eyes. I caught my breath as I remembered those eyes, but I remembered them to be shining blue jewels not shadowed by grief. “Da?” I asked tentatively, afraid that perhaps I was wrong.

The strange bearded face broke into a broad smile. “Yes, Mary, I’m home.”

My mouth hung open, and I had no idea what to do.

Pa prompted me gently, “I don’t suppose you could go and warn your Ma, and perhaps invite me in?” Pa added the last bit as a joke but I took it a bit too seriously.

I shook myself out of my stupor and moved out of the doorway, “Of course, of course, come in.” Then I fled and just about shouted, “Pa’s home! Pa’s back!” Ma’s head whipped around and stared dumbfounded for a second at the man standing behind me. Pa crossed the room in a couple long strides and knelt by the bed and gathered his wife up in his strong arms. Ma was weeping and laughing uncontrollably.

“Why on earth is Ma cryin’ for!?” I wondered silently.

Johnny looked like he might start crying too, and apparently the baby didn’t much like all the noise and started squalling. Pa’s head jerked up at the sound and he gazed at the wailing baby. “Lisa, who’s this?”

“It’s your son, and I believe he needs a name,” my Ma answered quietly.

Pa gently laid his wife back down on the bed. Then Pa walked over to his elder son and gently took his new son from Johnny. The baby immediately stopped crying and stared at his father. His father stared back at him. Pa jiggled his fingers in front of the baby. The baby glanced at them, and clearly unimpressed, continued to suck his thumb. Pa chortled, “Well he seems to know better than to latch onto some grubby old fingers.”

“Well, John, what should we name him?” Ma pressed. Pa rubbed his chin, thinking, then he announced, “His name is Ferdinand, after the man that saved my life and in the process lost his.”

* * * * * * *

The lights were dimmed as as Johnny and Mary went to bed, but the parents stayed up talking deep into the night.

“Well, John, I think it’s about time you cough up about what happened to you,” Lisa told her husband sternly.

John leaned back and smiled slightly at the expression on her face, but he sobered up a bit since he realized that his wife would not let him go to bed till he told her the entire story. He sighed, “Well, I guess it starts with me meeting a group of men heading up to Alaska to a gold mining community.” He shifted and looked into the fire as if not wanting to look his wife in the eye. “That took nearly two months to get there and along the way poor Ol’ Beth fell and broke her leg, so we had to put her down.” He sighed again, “I don’t have the heart to tell Mary; she was so attached to that horse. Anyway, I didn’t have the funds to buy a new horse, so I had to hitch a ride with one of the men riding with me.” At that he gave a slight smile, “That’s when I met our son’s namesake, Ferdinand.”

Lisa leaned forward and asked, “Did this Ferdinand have a family? I would want to give my condolences to them and perhaps say how brave it was of their husband and father to give his life so that mine could have his.”

John shook his head, “I don’t believe he had one or else he never told me. More’s the pity.” He shook his head sadly then continued his tale. “Well, anyway, we arrived, and we were set to work. I’ll spare you the details of our time there, but I’ll tell you this, the cooking there was absolutely dreadful. Anyway we were there for four months and probably would have stayed longer had it not been for the accident.” John’s eyes fell, and he stared at his hands as if he didn’t want to continue.

Lisa leaned forward and gently folded her hands in his, “If you don’t want to talk about it then you don’t have to tell me.

“Better out than in,” John replied, squeezing his wife’s hand. He was silent for a moment then, “Well one day while we were in the mine we heard a commotion outside, so we began to make our way up. Then Ferdinand and I heard a shout behind us, and we saw that part of the tunnel had collapsed and that the roof of the tunnel was showing signs of collapsing as well. Ferdinand grabbed my arm and hollered at the remaining men to hightail it to the tunnel entrance. Then we were all running as fast as we could to the entrance… it was not fast enough for nearly all the men.” John closed his eyes as if reliving the horrible nightmare again. He shook his head and continued, “Well, by the time we got near the entrance we had only four men out of the ten that had gone in. Me and Ferdinand were racing down the passageway, and we were so close to safety when… when I heard Ferdinand gasp and I felt a hard shove that sent me reeling into the blessed fresh air. I turned around to see the tunnel fully collapsed and came to the horrible realization that my friend and comrades were under that mound of rock an’ dirt.”

“Oh, John, I’m so sorry,” Lisa cried with misty eyes.

“There wasn’t much that the workers could do except dig out the bodies an’ try to send the bodies back to their families… if they had any. Anyway, I told you my story, and I now want to go to bed.”

Lisa, clearly seeing that that topic wasn’t going to be broached again any time soon, shrugged and decided to try to lighten the mood before going to bed. “When are you going to shave and cut your hair?” she demanded.

“I thought I cut a rather dashing figure with a beard and long hair,” John mused, rubbing his chin.

“No,” Was all Lisa had to say on the matter.

“Really?” John asked, amused.

Lisa continued to glare fiercely.

John held his hands up in surrender, “Alright alright, whatever you say.” Then half to himself, “All a woman needs to do is glare at a man to get him to comply to her wishes.”

Lisa smiled at this, kissed her husband goodnight, and went to bed content for the first time since John had left.