This is the part of the story that gets very exciting- the part when I almost die. So even if it is very late or, if you are nocturnal, very early, keep reading.

Any other ant that might have seen me probably thought I was the athletic type going on a morning run. Other insects would have screamed, “Ah! An ant!”. A human would most likely have thought I was just a worthless creature running around for no reason and then would probably squash me. They would be all wrong, especially the human. I was on a mission to retrieve the penny from the stinking, terrible, tyrannical, no-good bullies, the red ants.

As the sun rose over the dusty flatland, I once again was racing at 855 millimeters per second, my eyes always fixed on the reflected light that was the penny. This part of the dust flat was nearer to the tamarind tree, many small leaves littered the ground alongside clusters of deadly antlion pits. Dust puffed out behind me. I was catching up. The distance between us had vanished. I was within two feet of the enemy (that is, two human foot measurements or 240 flywings in insect units). If I was going to get the penny back, I was going to need more ants. I scrambled onto an enormous rock to single Phillip, “Are you awake now?! I am in the dust flat chasing the red ants that have taken the penny!” 

My message met loud snores, then a groggy voice, “You must have been dreaming. You can come back now. We forgive you for waking us up with the gummy bears nonsense.”

“No, I! Oh no…”, I gasped. The red ants had perched the penny to teeter precariously on the edge of an antlion pit. If they let it topple it in, we would be eaten trying to get it out!

A gruff voice of a red ant sounded in my antenna, “Now I think you get the point. Don’t tell them the truth, or… or this big circular thing gets shoved into the antlion pit!”

Phillip’s alarming scream broke through my receiver,“Aah! The penny’s gone! What happened?! Run! Dan, what did you say? Where are you?! Who stole the penny!?

“The gummy bears!” I screamed crazily, because I could not tell him the truth.

My apologies to those of you that do not live in an area inhabited by antlions who I’ve most impolitely left wondering, “What is an antlion?” Antlions have nothing to do with lions or ants, other than the fact that ants are on their menu. They do not look like a lion or an ant. Antlions have a round head with a pair of gigantic venomous mandibles. They appear to have no thorax, and their abdomen makes up most of their body, which is huge and shaped like a beehive! The life cycle of these monsters is very interesting. In the mature stage of their life, they look like a dragonfly. They lay eggs and then die, so I guess that’s why they don’t teach their offspring that eating ants is impolite. The larva (what I just described) make cone shaped pits in the ground. They make the sides of the pit of fine sand. So once an ant slips in, the sand avalanches to the center of the pit, and it is very hard to get up again. Unfortunately, humans have been known to drop innocent ants into these traps! When their prey is perilously in their pit and trying desperately not to get sucked into the center, the antlion venomous mandibles pounce out from the bottom of the trap and eat it. What goes in almost never returns! Later, the larva forms a cocoon and becomes a mature adult that then lays eggs and die, again forgetting to teach their offspring that eating ants is impolite.

Ants are taught when they are very young to never, ever, ever, ever, ever go even near an antlion pit, but that is exactly what I intended to do. I was never very safe or a very good listener. 

My mind worked furiously as I approached the enemy.

“Stop Ant!”, the leader of the company shouted.

“My name is Dan, and I am glad to offer my services as your local advisor.” I said without conveying the horror and disgust I felt toward them.

“Prisoner.”

“What?”

“You are not our advisor. You’re a prisoner!” 

“Well, in that case I am glad to be a prisoner of such a… um… a strong species!”, I smiled at them.

So far my head was not ripped off, and that was a good start. I was near to the penny, but the band of red ants blocked my way.

“So now that I am a prisoner, you have to dispose of me. Push me into the antlion pit?” 

All of them dragged me to the penny and across its surface until we were almost at the edge. 

Then I exclaimed, “If we go closer to the edge, it will put us off balance and we will all fall into the pit!” 

Red ants are so gullible!

“So how are we going to push him off!”, one of them yelled. 

“I think I’ll just take another step…”, I suggested casually.

“No! Stop! What do you think you’re doing?”

“I am going to make us all fall if you don’t listen to me,” I threatened.

“What! You are our prisoner. You think we are going to let you do that? What kind of foolish ants do you take us for?” 

I stomped. The penny tilted dangerously. I did take them as foolish ants because so far they were falling for my trick. Of course I would not kill myself. I would not make the penny fall. But I was playing a dangerous game.

“I guess I’ll let all of you go to get reinforcements,” I granted.

“Oh good! You’re a foolish ant to doom yourself, but you could be tricking us so we will leave one ant behind just to make sure that you don’t take the shiny thing away. Ha ha ha…”

While the others ran off to their nest, the remaining red ant and I played a pointless game they called rocks. I was beating her, naturally. My plan was working. The only problem was that red ants are so unpredictable and prone to violence. I bumped one of the rocks from the game into the antlion pit. 

“Oops, I kind of kicked a piece into the pit. You can get another one, way over there, behind the hill…”

“No, you get it!”

“Ok, but if I move, you might fall into the jaws of the antlion,”

“Uhh… No! You stay here instead. I’ll go get one.” 

The ant crawled off to get another playing piece. As she was coming back with the rock, and oblivious of my trick, she discovered I was no longer on the penny. Then she panicked. 

“Where are you?!” 

I sprang from my hiding place beneath a leaf and back onto the penny. Leaping forward, I dropped a large stone as a counterweight and launched myself at the red ant. We were fighting, scrambling, biting. Then I shoved. As my enemy fell, the antlion caught her, and she disappeared beneath the sand.

I signaled Phillip and told him the actual story. I was famous. We moved the penny into the entrance of our nest to keep the red ants out. With it there, we won the war. ANTs cheered my name and made statues of me in their nest chambers, but if I took the time to tell you all of my fame and glory, my beetle burgers would get too cold.

The end