Hello peoples! This is some random whimsy that somehow materialized into a narrative-less set of strange letters. Enjoy!

Ms. Li,

I admire your ability to get hold of my information, and your courage in writing me after doing so. No doubt you know the consequences of contacting me, but I take interest in your proposal, so I will let you live for now.

No doubt you know that I am aware of your work in chameleonage, and I know good work when I see it. I am genuinely impressed. That being said, you lack experience on the field. No doubt you have the natural-born gifts for our line of work, and that is indeed half the battle, but what you desperately need is training and experience. I will keep in touch with you and give you what information I see fit.

– the everyman.

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Ms. Li,

As with most lessons, I will start with a definition so we know what we’re talking about. Being a chameleon means to be everyone. You can be anyone you want and everybody will believe you. You take in every detail of a person or group, and imitate it with utmost precision. You know how to respond to every situation as any person. You are everyone – everyone but yourself, that is. People like us have so many identities that we aren’t really one person. We are whoever we want to be. If we do this long enough, we lose who we actually are. These are the consequences.

There are a few requirements. First of all and of utmost importance, you need to be as ordinary as possible. You need to lie in the blurry space between attributes: you are neither fat or thin, but you can be either. You are neither ugly or beautiful, but you could be. We can change how people see us according to our situation.

Another requirement is an understanding of psychology. Without a disguisist, we cannot change our physical appearance too drastically, but what few people know is that what people see most of the time is behavior. If you act like a gorgeous movie star, people will gradually begin to see that that is what you are. Your ordinary appearance transforms into something more dramatic. The old adage “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” can be elaborated: “reality is in the mind of the beholder.” That being said, it is ideal to have a disguise to avoid recognition and to enhance illusion.

– the everyman.

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Ms. Li,

There are some people who are harder to fool. Storytellers, for one, are especially tricky. They continually expect the strange and the unexpected, so to fool them you must be the strangest person imaginable. I once got an author to kill a man because he thought I was his guardian angel. The scientists and lawmen are hard as well, because their job is to observe everything. One mistake could blow your cover with these people. Read up on your enemies well.

– the everyman.

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Ms. Li,

One thing that will not do is this alias you have given yourself. I know for a fact that you are of Asian decent, and a name, even a false one, that reflects your true appearance is ultimately fatal. If you must have a name at all, take one that could belong to anyone. Take one that gives no impressions. This is the name you will be hired by.

– the everyman.

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Madam,

Much better.

– the everyman.

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Madam,

Yet another psychological principle to live by in our career is to make people comfortable. This could mean giving them the high ground – making them feel better than you, or it could mean posing yourself as a “nice” person. You know the type: smiling, laughing, sympathetic; the character that most often dies in stories.

– the everyman.

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Madam,

It must be understood that we are not one thing or the other. The fluidity of our kind demands a core neutrality, although you will often work for one cause or another. You need to be able to discard all beliefs and look like you are a believer, to work for the “good” and then to cross over without effort to the “bad.” Goodness and badness are nothing to our kind. We live to make others make conclusions about us.

-the everyman.