To Be Very Open

/ T. Dusenvolt
  • to have many feelings that you want to express
  • to not know how to do it
  • to do this on a whim
  • to love people far away
    • what are they doing?
    • where are they?
    • when will I see them again?
    • have they moved on?
  • to want to speed up time
    • because I want to go back
    • because I want to go to college
    • because I want to do something important
  • to be afraid of the choices time will require
    • job?
    • college?
    • friends?
    • where?
    • who?
  • to feel like Gomer
    • spiritual adultery
  • to be Rahab
    • amazing grace
  • to have everyone who understands your experience be reduced to usernames
  • to not be part of their lives anymore
    • at the very least not like I was
  • to not want to be part the lives of anyone new
    • it means moving on?
    • it means trusting people?
    • it means changing?
    • it means becoming part of this place?
  • to feel lonely even when with old friends
    • because you’re focused on how it’s temporary
    • because you want to tell them everything and you don’t know how
    • because you want the friends they’ve made
  • to write letters in the hope of regaining
    • correspondence
    • trust
    • inside jokes
    • comfortable conversation
    • regularity
  • to have the letters never arrive
    • no one’s fault
    • still pretty sad
  • to keep having unwanted crushes
    • distracting
    • pointless
    • untimely
    • sad lol
  • to see this blog as a symbol of your friendships
    • full of beauty
    • full of laughter
    • full of wonder
    • falling into silence
  • to tell yourself you’re being dramatic
  • to slow down and breathe
  • to remind yourself to love Jesus first
  • to hold close the past
    • sitting on the table by the library
    • awkward spousal improv on the couch
    • gleck-nocks
    • dancing in monsoons
    • mall tag
    • ultimate frisbee
    • epic Fusion ga ga ball
    • epic slapstick croquet
    • Sticky Falls
    • intense algebra competitions
    • late night explanation of Dream SMP
    • no bears out tonight
    • skateboarding in the empty pool
    • Vladimir’s Forest, The Stone Table, and that very dangerous ramp
    • Arken
    • running wild
    • biking to your houses
    • hearing your voices
    • just being with you
    • the love
  • to make use of the present
    • write more letters
    • be open to new friends
    • find things to love doing
    • learn to love your home
    • be unafraid of change
    • keep in touch
  • to trust God with the future
    • for tomorrow
    • for the new school
    • for college
    • for ever
  • to say goodnight

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