My Dear Emma,

Though you are new to Junior High, I know it is nearly impossible to have avoided the terrible Cheeze-It rumors completely. Due to your ignorance on the matter, I shall explain the event in its entirety. You surely have noticed the sign on the cafeteria door, saying, “Due to the incident last Friday, Cheeze-Its are no longer permitted in the cafeteria.” Here is the reason behind the oddity.

Robby, as you know, is a terrible procrastinator. It goes beyond my understanding how he can manage such high grades with his late submissions, but because of this, he neglected to put his bag of Cheeze-Its safely away before he left lunch. This seemingly harmless action caused the whole of the school to suffer. Though this may seem entirely out of this world, that very night aliens from the far planet Neptune happened to be flying slowly and weakly by in their spacecraft. Upon smelling the tantalizing Cheeze-Its (Emma dearest, aliens have a superb sense of smell), they dropped through the cafeteria roof, tore open the bag of Cheeze-Its, and clumsily took handfuls of it, stuffing it into the fuel compartment of their craft. The speed with which they soon soared away confirms the now accepted idea that Cheeze-Its are, in fact, fuel for the aliens of Neptune. Emma darling, if you are skepticle of such an event, the security camera footage which was obtained should do quite nicely in removing all doubts of the validity of this story. But because the aliens left such a mess behind them: knocked tables and chairs, broken dishes, and thousands of horrid crumbs strewn about the room, the school encountered a difficult and stressful task in restoring the original design of the cafeteria.

Now you see, dearest Emma, why even the thought of Cheeze-Its inside the cafeteria is met with such horror and loath. Never again, I should think, will even a crumb be seen inside the room again.

Your Dear Friend,

Eliza