Puppies are overrated. The amount of attention they receive is too much. Really, I thought the novelty of such a creature would eventually subside, and I would rule again as Commander of the Spotlight, but I now realize it was a futile hope. I have gone to the extent of my strength to steer the attention back in my direction, but no matter how many times I knock over my cereal bowl, track mud through the kitchen, surprise Mommy with handfuls of bugs, or crumble the remains of my cookie on the couch, that puppy always one-ups me. He never seems to run out of ideas, whether it be the typical and utterly common practice of chewing on Dad’s shoes right before he leaves for work, digging up Mom’s chrysanthemums, or running in between someone’s legs and tripping them up.

The plight I face is truly appalling, being deprived of the attention I so desperately deserve. Am not I, after all, the one who made them laugh when hiding in the cupboard? Who they can always count on, without fail, to show up at snack time, patiently waiting for my goldfish? Who never once neglected to broadcast it to the entire household every time I woke from my afternoon nap? Surely they would show some appreciation for my efforts!

But today, everything turned around. I woke up this morning from an unusually pleasant dream, in which I solved the problems of the universe and was forever rewarded with animal crackers. But the difficulty of enjoyable dreams comes when you realize all is a fantasy and find yourself once again in a gloomy bedroom with only glow-in-the-dark stickers for comfort. But as I walked out the room, Mom scooped me up and planted a big kiss on my cheek, and set me in my throne, which I call a highchair to show my superiority. Mom handed me my favorite breakfast, a soft pancake with blueberries, and said, “Happy Birthday, sweetie!” Everything then became clear. The kisses, the pancake, it all made sense. This was the day I would assert my rule over the attention, and, if all went well, keep the spotlight forever.

The day was filled with wonder. It was as if they had suddenly realized my important contributions to this earth and were showering their appreciation to me. The delicious cake I received, a perfect depiction of Cookie Monster, may have smeared my face with blue frosting, but when Julia and Daddy laughed as Mom wiped it off took away any humiliation that came with it. I raised my royal scepter, one of those small trident things that everyone else uses to eat with, and smiled graciously at their efforts to please me. The attention they bestowed upon me never ceased for a moment and I found hardly any time for personal reflections, but such is the life of a hero, and I must not complain. The only glimpse of rest I had that day was my punctual afternoon nap, which Mom insisted I must comply with, no matter what day it was. I did not greatly protest the idea, for it gave me time to scheme over ways I could confidently secure my hold of the attention. However, I had not fathomed the energy fame drained from a newly three-year-old.

When I awoke from my slumbering, I was met with small cloud of confetti. I was then carried away regally, because of course, I could not be expected to exert much effort for walking on my own birthday, to the couch, and handed boxes that were delicately wrapped in colorful paper. Julia then excitedly ordered me to open it, and though I was woeful to destroy all the hard work put into decorating these gifts, I complied to her wishes and tried to gently remove the paper. The difficulty in opening presents I soon found to not be in the opening itself, but in the restraint of it. It was an agonizing process, trying to take off the paper without completely demolishing it, but I eventually gave up the undertaking and tore at it with my full strength. I was surprised by what I found: a box filled with strange plastic shapes. Julia eagerly dove into it, pulling some out and showing me their use. I have never been so excited in my life! The shapes stuck to each other, obviously magnetic on the edges. With this new, prized tool, I could bring the architectural designs that I had created so vividly in my mind to existence! I imagined mansions, castles, complex and scientific rockets! With this type of gift, I might be able to stand a day or so without my usual amount of attention.